Frozen Face-Off/transcript

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 * Mr. Krabs: Good thinkin', squirrel! This should keep us alive for at least... a few hours... oh...
 * Patrick: [with ice on his lips] It's-s-s... so c-c-cold!
 * [SpongeBob's nose with ice on it breaks off, and the ice on Patrick's eyelids shatter off. Gary get so cold he gets into his shell, and apparently he has a warm room with furniture in his shell, he sips his drink. Mr. Krabs' lips shatter off.]
 * SpongeBob: Hey! How about a campfire song? [Squidward thaws]
 * Squidward: No! Singing!
 * Everyone: Squidward! [hugs him]
 * Squidward: [pushes them back] Alright, alright! Someone get me a blanket. [SpongeBob gives him a blanket, Squidward puts it on but still feels cold]
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey Squidward, what is it with the extra foot, buddy?
 * Squidward: [looks down] Huh? This isn't mine... [foot lifts up] Waaaahhh! [runs]
 * [Snow Mollusk breaks through snow]
 * All: [screaming]
 * Mr. Krabs: Not you again!
 * [Snow Mollusk sticks out five tongues from mouth]
 * Sandy: Ha! Slimeless snow vermin! You missed!
 * Mr. Krabs: That's weren't the attack.
 * Sandy: Huh?
 * [Snow Mollusk pulls back tongues with snow on them]
 * Mr. Krabs: This is it! [Snow Mollusk starts shooting snowballs out of mouth; Mr. Krabs screams and hides behind a pile of snow, blocking the snowballs, Snow Mollusk aims for Gary]
 * SpongeBob: Gary! [shields Gary with himself, the snowballs go into SpongeBob's holes, and they come out from the side holes. SpongeBob stands up and runs away with Gary. The Snow Mollusk aims for Squidward]
 * Squidward: [running and screams; jumps into water] Oh... not again... [floats up in a block of ice again, but with a disappointed face]
 * Mr. Krabs: She's reloading! Now's our chance to scram. [everyone sneaks away, Sandy brings the sleigh]
 * SpongeBob: What is that formidable creature?
 * Mr. Krabs: That, me boy, is none other than the Abominable Snow Mollusk.
 * SpongeBob: I thought that was just a myth.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, I assure you,she's no myth! She's as real as Santy Claus. Back when I was young sea captain, [flashback to when Mr. Krabs was a captain] sailing in the Atlantic sea. During my first trial. [Snow Mollusk pops out of sea, young Mr. Krabs gasps, and Snow Mollusk picks up the ship]
 * SpongeBob: Don't tell me, Mr. Krabs. You peeled at those tentacles with your bare claws! You single-handedly saved your vessel from certain DOOM!
 * Mr. Krabs: Nope, that didn't work. [flashback continues] She swallowed us up in one swift swallow. [Snow Mollusk swallows all people on ship including Mr. Krabs]
 * SpongeBob: Oh, my! Well, at least you bravely escaped out the tail.
 * Mr. Krabs: Weren't bravery that got us out. Let's just say... We had to wait... for nature, to take its course. [flashback to people in Snow Mollusk's stomach, a bubble floats up and pops, then a flushing sound is heard]
 * SpongeBob: Hm? Oh! Ew.
 * Sandy: I'd hate to break up story time, but I'd like to NOT GET EATEN today! [Snow Mollusk's roaring is heard, and everyone gets on sleigh, Snow Mollusk finds them, they leave]
 * SpongeBob: Gary! Step on it! [Snow Mollusk follows] Oh yeah, Gary, you are really motivated now! Right, guys? [cuts to back of sleigh, and one of the seats are empty with a "Squidward" sign in its place] We forgot Squidward! [sleigh takes a U-turn, and goes between the Snow Mollusk's tentacles]Left, Gary! Left! There he is!
 * [cuts to Squidward, frozen]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, I need a Gooey Worm!
 * Patrick: Oh, be careful, this is my last one! [hands SpongeBob a red Gooey Worm]
 * SpongeBob: Hold on tight! [gives Patrick one end of the Gooey Worm and glides down holding the other one]
 * Gary: Meow. [as SpongeBob is saving Squidward, the Snow Mollusk finds him]
 * Patrick: SpongeBob! Come on! [cuts to SpongeBob on Squidward, with Gooey Worm tied on ice block] Let's get outta here! [pulls SpongeBob up, and Snow Mollusk lands on the water. When they are leaving, SpongeBob throws away the Gooey Worm, and falls into Snow Mollusk's mouth when she's getting up, she likes it]
 * Sandy: Woo, wee! That was a close one, wasn't it, Mr. Krabs? Huh? [in Mr. Krabs' seat, there is a pile of snow with coral as a nose and eyes] Of all the horn swabbles! The banit's trying to win us out so he can get the prize himself! [throws fake Mr. Krabs out of the sleigh]
 * [cuts to Mr. Krabs]
 * Mr. Krabs: Argargarg! I'd sooner swallow a jellyfish the winning with y-- [jellyfish flies into Mr. Krabs' mouth and stings him.]
 * [cuts back to others]
 * Sandy: We can't let that double crosser beat us to the loot! Full speed ahead and don't stop for nothin', Gary!
 * Patrick: Hey! [takes rope and stops Gary, making the sleigh fling Sandy out]
 * Sandy: [in snow] What's the big emergency, Patrick?
 * Patrick: I saw something shiny.
 * Sandy: [sarcastic] Oh! Well, let's drop everything, then!
 * SpongeBob: No, wait, Sandy, I see it too! It looks like... Karen.
 * SpongeBob: [helps Karen up] Karen?
 * [Karen's screen shows a spinning hourglass]
 * Sandy: I say she's in quick need of a reboot! Heee ya! [kicks Karen with her boot, shattering the ice on her]
 * [Karen's screen shows a picture of a computer wife with words "Computer WIFE [progress bar] Loading..." beside it, and soon starts up.]
 * SpongeBob: [hears someone saying "you can't stand a chance, Krabs"] Huh? [sees fake Plankton and picks it up] Plankton? [fake Plankton says "don't tell Krabs"] Poor guy, the ice is really getting to him.
 * Patrick: [grabs fake Plankton] We gotta bust him out, quick! I'm gonna sit on him! [puts fake Plankton on a rock, preparing to sit on it]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, no! He's very--[Patrick sits on fake Plankton]...fragile. [Patrick gets up, showing bits of metal with wires, a speaker, and an eye, broken, it says "Krabs zzz... stand zzz..."]
 * Sandy: A citylacra!
 * SpongeBob: [covers Gary's "ears"] Sandy, please! Language!
 * Sandy: Naw, silly! I'm saying, Plankton set up a robotic dummy in his sled!
 * Karen: That's right. My selfish husband remains in warm, sunny Bikini Bottom, leaving us all out in the cold. In fact, [cuts to Plankton with fake Plankton and Karen in his lab] this whole race was a plot devised by Plankton. [cuts to Plankton sneaking away before the race] With the entire town distracted, he's free to pursue the Krabby Patty formula undetected.
 * SpongeBob: Pursue? Formula? We've gotta find Mr. Krabs right now!
 * Sandy: And exactly how do you propose we find him?
 * Karen: I saw Mr. Krabs pass by [screen shows Mr. Krabs running] just before my system failed, heading southwest.
 * SpongeBob: Well, what are we waiting for? [picks Karen, Sandy, Patrick up and throws them into the sleigh, and gets in himself] You heard the lady, Gary, southwest! Marsh! Marsh!
 * [cuts to Plankton]
 * Plankton: [sprays safe with flamethrower] Hehehehe! [touches handle, which is glowing red due to extreme heat] Yooooouch! [blows hand] So the safe isn't vulnerable of flame, eh? It seems as though I'll have to get a little more destructive! [accidentally takes out teddy bear, then puts it back] Ahem! I meant destructive! [takes out a stick of dynamite]
 * [cuts to SpongeBob and others, going up a steep hill]
 * Gary: [tired] Mooowww, meow meow meow moooww...
 * SpongeBob: A little more, Gary!
 * [sleigh gets to the tip of the hill, Gary sees a huge ramp below, screeches and gets in the sleigh.]
 * All: Ahhhh!
 * [sleigh goes down the ramp, flies into the air, turns a circle, bounces on three hill tops, and back on the road]
 * SpongeBob & Patrick: Ahh, whew.
 * Sandy: Look out! [cliff ahead]
 * SpongeBob & Patrick: [both scream]
 * Sandy: Hold on, SpongeBob! [picks up SpongeBob and throws him on another hill's tip, the sleigh goes in a circle with SpongeBob as the turning point, but Squidward, still frozen, flys off in the progress]
 * SpongeBob: [with bruises on face, missing teeth and extra long legs and arms] We made it! Right, Squidward? [cuts to Squidward falling down]
 * Sandy: Gasp! Oh, my gosh! Patrick! Lean to the other side! [Patrick turns, and the sleigh goes down following Squidward] Excuse me, ma'am
 * Karen: What?
 * [Sandy pulls off Karen's monitor, stands on SpongeBob, and uses the base's pole and sticks it into the block of ice Squidward is in, and pulls him in]
 * Sandy: Gotcha!
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, have you given any thought to we're gonna--[sleigh crashes to the ground, making everyone flat]...land. [Snow Mollusk spots them]
 * [cuts to Krusty Krab's safe with sticks of dynamite wrapped around it]
 * Plankton: [with a shield] Fire in the hole! [dynamite explodes, and safe is completely fine] Rats.
 * [cuts back to SpongeBob and others]
 * Sandy: Look, fellas, I know it's cold. But let's just push forward and keep a lookout for a frozen crab! [closes one eye]
 * Patrick: [with lots of ice on eyes] I can't feel my looking holes!
 * SpongeBob: The only thing I can feel is my empty stomach. [stomach implodes]
 * Sandy: You said it, SpongeBob! I already gnawed through all my provisions. [holds up empty nut bag] I'm getting to the point where I can eat just about anything! [eyes get bloodshot and drools, then thinks SpongeBob is cooked and on a stick] Mmmm... sponge kabob... [shakes head] Hey Patrick, you got any more of that Gooey Worms on you?
 * Patrick: I wish I did. I lost my last one to the monster and now I'm so hungry! At least, [takes out bag of Jelly Beans] I still have this bag of Jelly Beans to hold me over. [eats a Jelly Bean] Hey! Is this taxi even moving?! [Gary shivering] Come on, Gary! [Gary falls]
 * SpongeBob: Gasp! Gary! [Gary's slime is frozen] Oh, you poor fella! We put you too hard too hard on you, eh? Sorry, I won't make you tow another inch. [puts Gary in sleigh]
 * Patrick: Great, now we're stuck.
 * SpongeBob: No, we're not! We'll--[pulls ropes, and his arms shatter] Hello, what's this? [cuts to a small anchor] Look! One of Mr. Krabs' sailor tattoos! It must've frozen off his brittle body.
 * Sandy: We must be heading in the right direction!
 * [cuts to Krusty Krab]
 * Plankton: [riding a small plane] [laughing] Secret formula, you are mine! [ejects himself out of plane]
 * [The plane hits the safe, but the safe is okay]
 * Plankton: Perhaps I misjudged the skill on that one. [landing] That does it! Listen up safe, I will steal your content, even if I have to tear you apart. [rips a piece of the safe] Bit by bit. [rips the piece he just rips] Molecule by molecule. [rips a molecule] Atom by atom! [rips an atom, causing it to glow] Uh-oh.
 * [the atoms explode, obliterating the Krusty Krab and the safe]
 * Plankton: Surely, the safe couldn't survive nuclear detonation. Come to papa! [takes the bottle containing the secret formula]
 * [cuts to SpongeBob and his friends] [SpongeBob is still dragging the sleigh, then suddenly hits something]
 * Patrick: [wakes up] Hey, trying to sleep.
 * SpongeBob: [realizes that he hits Mr. Krabs] Mr. Krabs!
 * Sandy: He doesn't look so good. We better get him to the sleigh, SpongeBob. SpongeBob?[realizes SpongeBob is frozen] SpongeBob! He froze up too. [realizes that the others also frozen. Makes a fire form the sleigh to thaw them out]
 * Squidward: Aaah. What? You're burning the sleigh!? Are you aware that that was our only mode of transportation?
 * Sandy: And are you aware I just saved your life?
 * Mr. Krabs: The race! The million clams! [gasps] I've been trapped in ice, mutinous thieves trying to cheat me out of me winnings. [rattles Squidward]
 * Karen: Oh cool down there are no winnings, you've been duped!
 * Mr. Krabs: Duped? You don't mean by...
 * Karen: Now you're putting it together!
 * Mr. Krabs: My formula! We've got to get back to Bikini Bottom!
 * Squidward: We actually might have actually a chance of getting back if we had a sleigh.
 * Mr. Krabs: We're doomed. Oh hoho! [cries]
 * SpongeBob: No we're not Mr. Krabs. [turns himself into sleigh] Your chariot awaits!
 * Mr. Krabs: No offense, but we're not going to catch Plankton moving at a snail's pace.
 * Sandy: Just leave that to the scientist of the group!
 * Patrick: Oh geez... why do I have to do everything?
 * Sandy: [Sandy creates a modified sleigh. Patrick is spinning from Karen's monitor as Squidward blows his clarinet onto the circuits]
 * Patrick: Hahahaha!
 * Sandy: She's all fired up!
 * SpongeBob: Gary, Mr. Krabs, any hazards on the horizon?
 * Mr. Krabs: Lookin' clear so far.
 * SpongeBob: Squidward keep those circuits warm. Patrick hang on!
 * French Narrator: One frozen wasteland later.
 * SpongeBob: Hooray! We made it.
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay... then where's my restaurant?
 * SpongeBob: Perhaps over there.. [points to smoldering place]
 * Mr. Krabs: And where's my formula? [runs over to safe]
 * Sandy: [points to Chum Bucket] Perhaps over there.
 * Mr. Krabs: The Chum Bucket, now serving... Krabby Patties?! [reading Chum Bucket sign]
 * SpongeBob: We're too late!
 * Mr. Krabs: We'll see about that boy-o!
 * Harold: [Mr. Krabs walks past line] Whos whoa whoa whoa, you can't cut in line. We've been waiting for a Krabby Patty for three stinking days!
 * Mr. Krabs: This will only take a minute. [smashes door]
 * Plankton: Keep your pants on out there! I'll get your Krabby Patty just as soon as I get this bottle open. [tries to open cork from the formula bottle]
 * Mr. Krabs: Not if I have anything to say and or do about it!
 * Plankton: Krabs! Why aren't you frozen under the barren tundra?
 * Mr. Krabs: I guess I didn't want to miss the grand unveiling of my sandwich.
 * Plankton: Well, it would have happened if I could've dislodge this stupid cork!
 * Patrick: Oh, that's easy! [lifts it out of the bottle.]
 * All of them: Patrick!
 * Plankton: Hahaha! I got it now, Krabsy. [beings to run away]
 * Sandy: That may be true, Plankton, but you've got seven angry customers flanking you on all sides.
 * Plankton: : Uh... well, I'm sure my loving wife is not a party to this angry mob. You-you've gotta help me here Karen!
 * Karen: [sarcastically] You've gotta help me... My monitor nearly froze up for good on your little race to oblivion!
 * Plankton: Babe don't blow an on amp over this, c'mon! [Karen zaps Plankton]
 * Plankton: Yowza! Ow! That hurt on so many levels... Okay, I give up. You win again, Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Then hand over my formula.
 * Plankton: Okay, Eugene. I'll just sign the surrender treaty first. [He pulls out a pen and clicks it. It turns into a propeller.] Oops, here I go. Hahahaha! Looks like I've out smarted you again, aye, fools? [ laughs and flies away into a pipe]
 * Mr. Krabs: You get back here, Plankton!
 * Squidward: Here we go again...
 * Plankton: [exits through a vent outside the Chum Bucket, with everyone in close pursuit]
 * Mr. Krabs: Give up now and I'll let you keep one of your antenna!
 * Plankton: I'd be delighted to see you try! Ooooooh, you're so close. [Plankton runs up some stair, and hops on top of something. The others follow him.] So long, suckers!
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh?
 * Everyone: [gasps when they realize they’re inside a cage]
 * Plankton: Hehehe!
 * Mr. Krabs: We're trapped!
 * Plankton: That's right, Krabs, and if you're thinking of busting out, mind the giant vat of fry grease beneath you.
 * Mr. Krabs: He's going to turn us into fried snacks!
 * Plankton: Got any dipping sauce? A little taste of your own medicine aye crab cakes?
 * Abominable Snow Mollusk: [makes loud noise, and grabs the cage] Nom nom!
 * SpongeBob: Nom nom?
 * Abominable Snow Mollusk: Nom nom! [rips the cage open, making everyone in it fall to the ground. She then snatches Patrick] Nom nom!
 * SpongeBob: W-wait big scary monster. Don't eat Patrick. Eat me packed with nutrients!
 * Sandy: No, eat me!
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't eat me, eat Squidward!
 * Squidward: Wait, what?!
 * Abominable Snow Mollusk: [reaches and takes jellybeans from Patrick’s pocket] Nom nom! [hugs Patrick]
 * SpongeBob: She loves your jellybeans, Patrick!
 * Plankton: I better go while the going's good.
 * Abominable Snow Mollusk: [sees Plankton] Jellybean!
 * Plankton: I can practically taste those Krabby Patties now! [The Abominable Mollusk grabs him with her tongue; Plankton screams as she swallows him and Plankton releases the formula. It lands onto Mr. Krabs' claw and he puts it in his shirt.]
 * SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, what happens to Plankton?
 * Mr. Krabs: He'll just have to wait for nature to take its course. [laughs]
 * Plankton: [The Abominable Snow mollusk belches and inside her stomach shows Plankton sitting on a jellybean.] Well, I suppose dear old dad was right. I should have minored in business administration. [a flushing noise is then heard in the background, concluding the episode]