It's a SpongeBob Christmas! Wiki
It's a SpongeBob Christmas! Wiki
This article's subject appeared in or stemmed from It's a SpongeBob Christmas!

Full credit to the Encyclopedia SpongeBobia for this article's appearance and content.

  • (A train drives through the mountain range. Rich Evan stops. He appears to be parodying Adolf Hitler from the Holocaust)
  • Rich Evans: Give me your kids! I bet you're wondering why ol' Evans has this train. Well, this year, I wanted to be absolutely sure Adam Taurus got what we deserved. So I gave Mr. Hitler the day off and stole his camp.
  • (He puts his Zakum Helmet on adolf hitler, tied up and gagged in the back of the train, puts on his nazi hat and closes the door)
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!
  • Rich Evans: Oh, Arnold Schwarzenegger, you silly Austrian-American actor. Everyone knows that the directions to the death camp are in the lyrics of the song "The Rise Of Evil." (Singing) The reich will rise

Propaganda, the reich will... (Mumbles) Burning books to spread, anti-semite propaganda Who will stop the madman’s reign?. La la la la la. Okay. So we're looking for some reich's here.

  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!
  • Rich Evans: Yeah, well, we ain't turnin' till we see some reichs.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger: PUT THE COOKIE DOWN!
  • Rich Evans: I don't see no Wooper Watch.
  • [The truck spins after the Wooper gets caught in the wheel.]
  • Rich Evans: While we wait for the truck to stop spinning, let's see what Adam Taurus is up to this King Julien Day.

Scene 1: Airforce 1:A Stair Tragedy

  • (The camera zooms in on New Jersey and into Adam Taurus's Secret White Fang Hideout. Adam Taurus and The Arbiter are sleeping. Adam Taurus's kill humans clock goes off and Your The Best Around from The Karate Kid are heard instead of the "It's time I got what deserved" noise. Adam Taurus wakes up.)
  • Adam Taurus: (singing) You got the touch. You got the power Yeah! (jumps up and off a cliff) The blood is falling and the cold wind blows. (cut to the fall of beacon, he gets up on the diving board, and jumps on it and stabs a possible lesbian through her arm) After all is said and done You've never walked, you've never run, You're a winner!(jumps up, automatically removing his mask, cut to white fang secret hideout, with a pair of pants hanging on it, he gets his pants on and flies out of the roof, cut to the sky) You got the moves, you know the streets, Break the rules, take the heat, You're nobody's fool! (spins Sienna Khan's corpse on his sword like a fucking helicopter blade, cut to a pile of dead humans, skips on the corpses) You're at your best when when the going gets rough. (Adam Taurus floats down like marry fuckin poppins) You've been put to the test, but it's never enough! (A Yugi Wig pops out of Adam Taurus's head) You got the touch! (walks over to Spongebob's house where Spongebob is putting up anti English Propaganda)
  • Adam Taurus: Spongeboy me bob what's up!
  • Adam Taurus: What The Fuck... (skips up to The Imperial City next to a shithole named bravil)
  • Adam Taurus: (singing): You got the power! When all hell's breaking loose You'll be riding the eye of the storm! You got the heart! You got the motion! You know that when things get too tough! You got the touch!
  • Adam Taurus: (sees the shithole) Oh god what the fuck is that!
  • Uriel Septim VII: You... I've seen you...(goes into conversation mode) Let me see your face... You are the one from my dreams... Then the stars were right, and this is the day. Gods give me strength.
  • Adam Taurus: Psycho Mantis?
  • Uriel Septim VII: (singing to the tune of "Stronger Then You **SANS VERSION**") I was born 87 years ago. For 65 years I've ruled as Tamriel's Emperor. But for all these years I have never been the ruler of my own dreams. I have seen the Gates of Oblivion, beyond which no waking eye may see. Behold, in Darkness a Doom sweeps the land. This is the 27th of Last Seed; the Year of Akatosh 433. These are the closing days of the 3rd Era, and the final hours of my life!
  • Uriel Septim VII: I can go no further. You alone must stand against the Prince of Destruction and his mortal servants. He must not have the Amulet of Kings! Take the Amulet. Give it to Jauffre. He alone knows where to find my last son. Find him, and close shut the jaws of Oblivion (Uriel Septim VII get's killed in a cutscene)
  • Adam Taurus: (singing) Bu du bup, bup, bu bu bu bu da da, Bu du bup, bup, bu bu bu bu da da, Bu du bup, bup, bu bu bu bu da da, Bu du bup, bup, bu bu bu bu da da, Bu du bup, bup, bu be be bu da de?
  • 15.AI Rise Kujikawa  : (singing) Dovahkiin, Dovahkiin, naal ok zin los vahriin Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal Ahrk fin norok paal graan fod nust hon zindro zaan Dovahkiin, fah hin kogaan mu draal
  • Adam Taurus: What the fuck are saying!? Where are the subtitles!?
  • 15.AI Rise Kujikawa : قبل أن يتم حذف هذا من قبل مسؤولي reddit ، أخرجه هذا الأحمق تمامًا من السياق. بادئ ذي بدء ، يعتقد الأحمق أنها كانت عبارة عن سطح دمية. لم يكن كذلك. هذه البطاقة ليست حتى على ظهر السفينة. لقد كان يجري سحبًا للعدو الهجائي ، كان هذا تقريبًا يبلغ 25 عامًا ، وقد تمت مواجهة أو إزالة كل مخلوق وتعويذة ألقيتها حتى تلك النقطة وهذا الغبي الذي نسخ سطحه من MTG Salvation أو Goldfish استخدم واحدة من نسخه الأخيرة من النفي لمواجهة استمتع بالثروات عندما لم يكن لديه أي مخلوقات في الميدان ولم يكن لدي أي كنوز في اللعب ، وبالتالي "هذه التعويذة لا تفعل شيئًا حرفيًا" وكان يجب أن يتركها تحل. أحبه عندما يقوم الناس بنسخ سطح السفينة وليس لديهم أي فكرة عن كيفية تشغيلها أو تشغيل MTG. كنت أرميها للتو لأن لدي 5 مانا وكانت البطاقة الوحيدة المتبقية في يدي وكانت اللعبة قد انتهت بالفعل على أي حال. لذا في طريقه للخروج ، أخبرته ما هو الأحمق الذي كان عليه لمواجهة تعويذة لا تفعل شيئًا في حالة اللوحة الحالية.

لا يريد NOBODY مشاهدة تسجيل للعبة حيث ألقيت شيئًا ما وقام بصده أو إزالته × 30 لفة. هذا غبي. كان يجب أن أغادر اللعبة في المرة الثانية التي رأيت فيها ما كان يديره. كانت هذه هي المحاولة الخامسة للحصول على تسجيل لشيء يشبه طريقة لعب MTG التي يمكن مشاهدتها وكان 5 أشخاص على التوالي يلعبون حلقة التحكم في رسم Karn أو حلقة التحكم في إحياء المقبرة أو الاقتراب من حلقة التحكم. نعم ، لقد كنت غاضبًا وكان أحمق للعب هذا. إنه أحد هؤلاء الأغبياء الذين لا يهتمون باللاعبين الآخرين قليلاً ، الأمر كله يتعلق بالفوز. لذا فإن تشغيل 35 تعويذة تحكم تبدو معقولة لأن لا شيء يهم سوى الفوز. شكرًا لعدم إظهار حالة اللوحة مع إحصائيات المكتبة أو السجل الكامل ، أيها الأحمق. استمتع بمنعك المؤقت من reddit.

  • Adam Taurus: (singing, skipping down to the General Chat In The Discord) Santa, Santa, Santa has his jolly lttle eyes on me. Hi, Mr. Discord Mod! Are you ready for America?
  • Discord Moderator: (pinning his own memes) Did you post a meme in general!?
  • Adam Taurus: YOUR ALL LIVING A LIE!
  • Discord Moderator: BANNED (Laughs)

Scene 2: Strange Magic: A George Lucas Story

  • Wario:hey guys wario here
  • Wario:oh my goodness guys my stomach is rolling from eating that ONION and ROTTEN GARLIC SALA-AH MY GOODNESS
  • Wario:ok guys this is episode 2 and right now guys i want to show you my living room AAAH my hallway I guess
  • Wario:OH my goodness my stomach but um look guys look it's one of my greatest achievement wario land 4 on the gameboy advance XAXAXA
  • Wario:and look guys look the virtual boy, ultimate classic system
  • Wario:um guys you remember warioLAND? incredible incredible
  • Wario:OOOH my goodness my stomach guys my stomach, the bathroom is not far away
  • Wario:OH MY GOODNESS I feel the AAH- the-THE stuff coming down my BUTTOCKS
  • Plankton: Sure thing, fruitcake! Here you go! (Presses button on the dispenser as a robotic arm gives SpongeBob a fruitcake!)

Scene 3: Conforntation


Lady: (narrating) You've heard of it haven't you? The Legend of Sparda.When I was young my father would tell me stories about it. Long ago, in ancient times, a demon rebelled against his own kind for the sake of the human race. With his sword, he shut the portal to the demonic realm and sealed the evil entities off from our human world. But since he was a demon himself, his power was also trapped on the other side. I never believed it. I thought it was just a child's fairy tale. But I discovered that this so-called legend wasn't a myth at all. Sparda existed. How do I know?... I met the sons of Sparda-- Both of them. Though the same blood of their father flowed through their veins, the two battled each other fiercely like arch enemies. It seemed as if they derived some sort of twisted pleasure from this brotherly fighting. But in the end... only one was left standing.

Mission 1: A Crazy Party

(A phone rings on a wooden table. Dante appears from a back door, having just taken a shower, and kicks a knocked-over chair on the floor into an upright position and sits down in it with his legs propped up on the table. He answers the phone.)

Dante: Sorry, not open for business yet. (He hangs up.) I haven't even picked a name for this joint and I'm already getting calls.

(The scene cuts to the outside of his shop, showing a bald, creepy man, who then enters the shop.)

Dante: You a customer too? (The man says nothing, and Dante scoffs.) Well, if you want to use the bathroom, help yourself. The toilet's in the back.

(The man walks slowly through the shop towards Dante.)

Man: Is your name Dante? Son of Sparda?

Dante: Where did you hear that?

Man: From your brother. (He eyes the amulet hanging from Dante's neck.) He sent this invitation for you. Please accept it.

(The man taps the front of the table, sending it and the objects on it flying. Dante kicks off it into a backflip and lands in a crouch on the fallen table; he catches his pistol as it falls and whips it forward, aiming at where the man, who has vanished into thin air, had been standing. A tense moment passes before he relaxes and stands back up.)

Dante: Invitation huh?

(He catches his box of unfinished pizza as it, too, falls. He takes a slice and is about to take a bite, but several demons materialize and catch him in a surprise attack with their scythes. To their surprise, Dante is completely unfazed by their attack, and he strides confidently towards his jukebox, taking out several of the demons as they try to follow him.)

Dante: This party's getting crazy! Let's rock!

(He presses a button on the jukebox several times, but no music plays. He smashes a fist into it and instrumental rock begins playing as he stylishly takes out more demons and partially wrecks his office in the process.)

Dante: The end? Don't bet on it.

Mission 2: The Blood Link Intr

(Dante kicks down the doors to his shop from the inside.) Dante: Damn it! You guys totally wrecked my shop! And I haven't even named it yet! You're going to pay for that! (He throws Rebellion into the air and stylishly throws on his red long coat. After that, he sneezes and the shop collapses.) Dante: I hope you all have enough to cover all this! (Dante fights several waves of demons, culminating in a fight with a Hell Vanguard, which he also defeats.)


(A huge tower erupts from the ground several blocks away; a man wearing a blue longcoat and carrying a katana stands atop it as it rises.)

Dante: It's been nearly a year since we last met. Where does the time go?

Dante looks up at the person on top of the tower, who is revealed to have white hair like Dante's, in a slicked-back style. The Hell Vanguard that Dante defeated earlier turns out to be still alive, and flees toward the tower. Dante aims a pistol at it as it leaps over the ruined buildings, but it escapes. He holsters the gun and begins walking toward the tower as well.)

Dante: No doubt you've got some fun planned for me. Right Vergil?

Mission 3: The Devils' Tower Intro

(Vergil stands, waiting, atop the tower. Footsteps approach; they belong to the man that approached Dante in his shop earlier.)

Vergil: Arkham.

Arkham: Well? Doesn't it excite you? The Temen-ni-gru has revived. The Great one who once ruled this earth as the medium between the Human World and the Demon World. Isn't it a magnificent view? The greatest minds of their time, those who revered evil, constructed this glorious edifice. Now, after two milleniums [sic] of confinement, it can at last fulfill the purpose for which it was intended...

Vergil: (Visibly impatient; he interrupts Arkham.) That's none of my concern. Did he have it?

Arkham: Of course. He's taking good care of it.After all, it is the only memento left from the mother you both lost.

Vergil: But he has no idea of its true power.

(The Hell Vanguard that escaped Dante earlier reaches the top of the tower and approaches Vergil, begging for forgiveness for failing to kill Dante. Vergil offers it none; he turns away, then abruptly draws his katana and seemingly impales it in a single stroke. He resheathes his weapon, and the demon falls off the tower in several pieces as Vergil walks away. Arkham watches in morbid fascination.)

(The camera cuts to the base of the tower, where a woman on an idling motorcycle is gazing up at the Temen-ni-gru through a pair of binoculars.)

Woman: I found it!

(Several demons come up slowly behind her, hoping to sneak-attack her, but she revs the engine and flames jet out of the tailpipes. She takes off toward the tower, leaving behind the demons as they flail around, on fire.)

Before Cerberus battle

(Dante approaches the entryway of the tower; a giant, three-headed dog demon encased in ice blocks his path, and breaks free of the ice with a roar, sending a chunk of ice flying at Dante. He slices it in half with Rebellion.)

Cerberus: Leave now mortal! The likes of you are forbidden in this land! You who are powerless are not worthy to set foot here!

Dante: Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know, in a dog show, you'd definitely take first place.

Cerberus: You, a mere human, make a mockery of me?!

(Cerberus spits a beam of ice at Dante, who jumps over it. The beam strikes the entrance to the chamber, sealing it with ice.)

Dante: Easy, Fido. How about I take you out for a walk? Come on, puppy, let's go!

Cerberus: You'll regret this, you worm!

Dante: It's showtime! (He punches the air several times.) Come on!

After Cerberus battle

Cerberus: You are not human, are you?

Dante: Who knows? I'm not even sure myself.

Cerberus: Regardless, you have proved your strength. I acknowledge your ability. Take my soul and go forth! You have my blessing.

(Cerberus shatters and his soul flies into Dante's hand, turning into an ice nunchaku. Dante practices his moves.)

Dante: Too easy!


(The woman on the motorcycle crashes through the sealed ice door, nearly landing on Dante. He backflips out of the way and lands behind her.)

Dante: Are you going to the party? What's the hurry, Didn't you get an invitation?

(She replies by launching a rocket at Dante, which he surfs on briefly before it flies upwards and blows a hole in the ceiling. She revs her bike and charges at Dante, doing a wheelie at the last second and launching herself up through the ceiling.)

Dante: This just keeps getting better and better!

Mission 4

Jester: Actually, I prefer a sword to be my partner. May I have this dance, my lady

(Dante swings his sword at Jester, hitting the power generator, and the door opens)

Jester: Bingo! That is WHAT the SOMETHING is. Remember that, kid! Write it down on your hand if you don't trust your head!

Dante: I see, thanks! You still piss me off, though.

Mission 5

Jester: Thanks for destroying the lock for me, devil boy! And welcome to Hell! Please accept my gift. Don't be humble, just take it! After all, we're buddies, aren't we?! Hahahahaha!!

(In front of Dante, blood flows down a fountain adorned by stone birds. The blood awakens the birds and they become Blood Goyle demons that attack Dante, who easily fends them off.)

Dante: Well, isn't that special? To be honest, I was expecting something a little better than this.

(As Dante walks off, an apparently-defeated Blood Goyle that Dante had knocked into a wall revives, and swoops at the camera.)


Rudra: Look brother! It's been ages, but we finally have company!

Agni: I see that!

Rudra: We must entertain our guest!

Agni: You're right! We have to be gracious hosts!

Rudra: What should we do?

Agni: How do I know? We need to come up with something!

Dante: (sigh)

Rudra: Brother, our guest is sighing.

Agni: SIGH? What is SIGH?

Rudra: Well a SIGH is when...

Dante: Enough already! How long are you two gonna keep carrying on like this? In case you didn't get the hint, I'll spell it out. Your GUEST wants to go through. Got it!

Rudra: Our job here is to guard this door!

Agni: That's right! We cannot let you pass!


Agni: Wait!

Rudra: Yes, wait!

Agni: We have been waiting for a long time!

Rudra: Yes, a very long time!

Agni: For someone stronger than us.

Rudra: Someone who can control us.

Agni: My name is Agni!

Rudra: And my name is Rudra! You shall take us with you!

Agni and Rudra: We could be a great help to you!

Dante: Okay, but on one condition.

Rudra: What is it?

Agni: Name it.

Dante: No talking.

Agni: Fair enough.

Rudra: As you wish.

(Dante shows off his moves with Agni & Rudra.)

Rudra: Impressive...

(Dante scowls and smacks the two swords' heads together.)

Dante: No Talking!

(Agni and Rudra remain silent.)

Dante: Good.

Mission 6

Mission 7

Vergil: You showed up.

Dante: You sure know how to throw a party! No food, no drinks, and the only babe just left.

Vergil: My sincerest apology brother. I was so eager to see you, I couldn't concentrate on preparations for the bash.

Dante: Whatever, at any rate, it's been a whole year since we last met. How about a kiss from your little brother? Or better yet how about a kiss from THIS!

(Points Ivory towards Vergil.)

Dante: So, this is what they call a heartwarming family reunion, eh?

Vergil: You got that right...

(Readies Yamato.)

Vergil: Why do you refuse to gain power? The power of our father, Sparda.

Dante: Father? I don't have a father. I just don't like you, that's all.

(The two started to deadlock against each other on swords, and eventually Rebellion is clashed away -- Vergil stabbed Yamato relentlessly into Dante's chest.)

Vergil: Foolishness, Dante, foolishness. Might controls everything, and without strength, you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself.

Arkham: Do you finally have it?

Vergil: Yes. Now the spell Sparda cast will be broken.

Dante: eerrrAAAARRRRGGGGHHH! (throws Vergil aside)

Vergil: I see a devil inside you has awakened as well.

Arkham: Wait! We should leave. For the moment, we have all that we need.

===Mission 8=== Ante £ Mission 9

Dante: So this is the next stage.

Lady: Wait! (point to Dante's back)

Dante: If you're asking for a date, forget it! (put away the lady's gun), cause I make a point to no go out with women who shoot me straight at the head.

Lady: Date a demon? I'm not that desperate, besides I don't care for guys who stink like blood.

Dante: You're right (Drawing Ivory)

(They begin to shoot all the demons there)

Dante: So tell me, What's your name?

Lady: I don't have a name!

Dante: Really? Then what should I call you?

Lady: I don't care. Whatever you want.

Dante: Whatever, Lady. (leap to the castle entrance) I'll leave this to you. Cuz' I don't wanna miss the party. (enters castle)

Lady: Who counted on you anyway? (Continues shooting against the demons)

Nevan: Hmmm! Welcome, sir! Is this your first time here?

Dante: Yeah... it is. You'll be nice to me, won't you?

Nevan: Of course I will! I'll treat you so nicely, You'll never want to leave!

Dante: (drawing Rebellion) Now, that's what I'm talking about!

Nevan: (seductive laugh) Well then, come on, sugar.

(after the battle) Nevan: Aaangh..! (falls into Dante's arms) My, you're SWEET! (she leans up to bite him, he shoots her in the stomach)

Dante You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Nevan: (sighs) All right, I'll help you. (stroking and caressing Dante's chin) Your father was a handsome devil... but you're no slouch yourself.

Mission 10

Arkham: Soon we will reach the lair of judgement. Temen-ni-gru will finally regain its full function and lead us into the Demon World. The world where Sparda's power has been sealed. And the one who will lift the incantation is you, his own son. It must be fate.

(The door get open and Arkham looks back, but Vergil realizes)

Vergil: Does that woman really bother you?

Arkham: What are you talking about?

Vergil: Why didn't you kill her?, perhaps, because she's your daughter? Did some pesky fatherly love get in your way?

Arkham: That is none of your...

(Vergil stabs him)

Vergil: To further your study of the black arts, you sacrificed your loving wife, to become a devil as well. Knowing this I thought you'd be more useful to me, but I was wrong. No wonder your attainment of power is incomplete.

Arkham: What about you? You're an incomplete being as well. Both demon and human blood mingle in your veins.

Vergil: Shut up. (Vergil takes out his sword and sheats it slowly. He finishes sheathing his weapon, and Arkham fell to the floor) Now that the final door is open, I have no use for you.

(Dante walks towards Arkham lying on the floor and dodges a bullet that was shot by Lady)

Dante: Well that was quick.

Lady That man... did you kill him ?

Dante So what if I did ?

(Dante fights with Lady and says to her..)

Dante Ooh, I love a fast woman.

Lady Shut up!

Lady He was obsessed with becoming the Devil. So much he killed his own wife. For that he butchered innocent people too. He's the most vile kind of creature. To top it off, that filthy scum is my father.

Dante Aah...Well, we have something in common. I have a dysfunctional family too.

Lady And what would you know about family?! You're a demon! This is my family! This was all supposed to be end by my hand!

Dante Aren't ya gonna shoot ? Häh... Well that's a switch.

Lady Just go. I don't care anymore.

(Dante leaves Lady and speaks quietly to himself)

Dante Family, huh?

Mission 11

(Beowulf breaks through the room's roof)

Beowulf: SPARDA!

Dante: Aw, you poor thing. Didn't your mother teach you how to use a door?

Beowulf: That odor, I know it.

Dante: Huh? Give me a break. I'll tell you what, I'll try and wear some cologne next time, okay?

Beowulf: It's the stench of betrayal. The stench of the accursed Sparda! I shall annihilate every last blood relation of Sparda!

Dante: Ho-ho-ho, a son cleaning up his dad's mess. Where have I heard this story before?

Beowulf: The odious one whose heart pumps the blood of Sparda! Though my sight is gone, I remember your scent. I shall hunt you down for eternity if I must, until I rid this earth of your foul smell!!

Dante: Why do I have to take the heat for my father? Come on man, cut me some slack.

Mission 12

Beowulf: (to Vergil) I found you, seed of Sparda. I told you I remembered your rancid scent. No matter where you run to, you can never hide from me...

(Beowulf lunges, Vergil jumps over his head, his sword flashing)

Beowulf: Y-you... you are not the one I faced before! But this smell... there are two of them! That excrement Sparda had two sons-! (his head falls into four pieces when Vergil sheathes Yamato)

Mission 13

Vergil's cutscene*

Mission starts*

Faces Vergil*

Vergil: Why isn't this working? Is there something missing? Must more blood be shed?

Dante: You seem to be in bad mood.

Vergil: Dante...

Dante: So... my mother's amulet is the key that unlocks the door to the demon world. Good plan, pop.

Vergil: Just the opposite actually. Originally it was the key to the demon world but was given to human as a gift.

Dante: It doesn't matter to me one way or the other. More importantly, I've come all this way. I'm sure you have time for one more game... right?

Vergil: Why not? Afterall we share the same blood... I'll just use more of yours to undo daddy's little spell.

Dante: So, you want a piece of me literally. Okay bro, come and get it. If you can.

Fight ends*

Dante: Sorry but this is no place for a little girl. So beat it.

Lady: Shut up!

You forced him into this!

Vergil: Is that what you think? Foolish girl.

Jester: Bravo! Bravo!

I never dreamed that things would go so smoothly. Well done everyone, well done!

Dante: You!

Jester: Don't be a bad girl, Mary. Or you can expect a spanking from daddy later.

Jester's gonna spank your butt. Spank you on the butt.

Vergil: Insane buffoon! I don't know where you came from but you don't belong

here. Now leave!

Jester: Zowie, that was close. But you've taken quite a trouncing today,

haven't you Vergil? You could have chopped me into confetti by now if you're in your tip-top condition.

Vergil: Damn you!

Jester: You have lost... Arkham: Because you've underestimated humans.

Lady: What's going on?

Arkham: Good girl. Pure and Innocent... just like your mother.

Lady: You bastard!

Jester: It's time for your spanking, my dear!

You want to know why the spell didn't break, hmm Vergil? You have two amulets, and Sparda's blood. You've got everything you needed to unleash the evil...

Dante: I told you before I don't like anybody with a bigger mouth than mine.

Jester: You are wounded and weak, even I can do... THIS to you!

Arkham: Two amulets... a set of Sparda's blood. Now I need one more key. He

sacrificed two things to suppress the tremendous force of this tower: His own Devil's blood, and a mortal priestess. I needed you, in whose body flows the same blood as the sacrificed woman. His spell cannot be undone without your blood!

Jester: It is quite a ride, you know.

If any of you had died, my little plan would have gone to waste! So my job is to let you battle each other and weaken you, but at the same time I need to guide you here to make sure you are kepy alive. I've gone so far as dressing like a complete idiot!

It's time for bed, Mary. You can go to visit your dear mother...

Lady: Try me!

Vergil: It is time for the clown to bow out, Arkham.

Dante: Dude, the show's over!

Arkham: Impressive. I expected nothing less fomr the devil's descendents.

But aren't you forgetting something, Vergil? The spell is broken. What do you think will happen next?

Let's welcome chaos.

Just sit and wait... Wait for the birth of a new god! I shall take over the power of Sparda!

Mission 14

Dante:Are you gonna go?

Lady:Yes. I'm going to finish him off.

Dante:Well you might as well forget it. 'Cause you're no match for him.

Lady:Regardless I must go. I had a chance to stop him before but I couldn't. I'm responsible for all this mess.

Dante:Responsible? Does it bother you that much?

Lady:He's my father. Besides, who else can undo what he's done? A demon like you, wouldn't understand.

Dante:Father and family huh? Well I'll go too. But you better worry if you don't want me to take all the credit. Mission 15

Arkham: He plucks the threads that make us dance, finger and toe. We surrender, in joy, to the lowest of the foul and rank. We submerge through darkness, rancid filth. Hour by hour we move downward, ever closer to hell. In a slow, steady, gait. Now, let the world resonate. Sloth, Gluttony, Greed, Envy, Lust, Wrath, and Pride. A bell of chaos that tolls human desires. After two thousand long years, the once-sealed gate to the demonic world will open. Destruction! Carnage and Despair! Let your instincts drive you. Entrap this world in fear! As its very name, Temen-Ni-Gru, strikes terror into the hearts of mankind. And I, will become the ultimate ruler of this wasteland, engulfed with pandemonium. The demonic power that Sparda once imprisoned... will be mine!

Mission 16

(Dante walks in to the Demon library and sees that Lady is there taking a break)

Dante: What's wrong, you tired? Then stand back, I'll take care of this.

(Dante is stopped by "Lady" when she starts to talk at him)

Lady: No, YOU stand back. (she points her gun at Dante, and he took it and Lady ends up shooting him in his stomach)

Dante: I've told you you can't do it, don't you get it? This is not a human's job! (Dante takes the gun of Lady)

Lady: You are the one who doesn't get it! It's not something you can reason with. This has nothing to do with me being a human or you being a demon! I'm driven by my inability to forgive him! My soul is screaming, demanding me to kill him! It's enough motivation to keep me going. Besides, this is my family matter. You should stay out (She takes her Roocket Launcher and starts to walk, but gets stopped by Dante when he starts to talking to her)

Dante: Okay Lady, I get the picture,, but I can't just sit back and watch either. I'm pretty pissed off too, you know. (kicks her gun across the floor to her and takes out Ebony & Ivory) Now get out of my way or there will be some consequences.

Lady: Fair enough. I didn't plan to let any demons live anyway, not even one.

(Lady try to shoot Dante's body but miss every shoot, then Dante takes her guns and try to be the Alpha Male with... a Passive woman?)

Dante: I'll take care of him. (moves closer as if to kiss her, but sighs in amusement and backs off on seeing her reaction)

Lady: Why do you care so much?

Dante: This whole business started with my father sealing the entrance between the two worlds. And now, my brother is trying to break the spell and turn this place into demonville. This is my family matter too. Quite frankly, at first, I didn't give a damn. But because of you, I know what's important now. I know what I need to do. (prepares to leave)

Lady: Wait...

Dante: Trust me! I promise, I'll make things right for you. It's what my soul is telling me to do.

Lady: Use this. (hands him Kalina Ann)

Dante: How much is it gonna cost me?

Lady: You can give me your name.

Dante: Dante.

Lady: (As Dante starts to walk away) Dante... Please, free my father.

Dante: I will, Lady.

Mission 17

Dante:Are you gonna go?

Lady: Yes. I'm going to finish him off.

Dante:Well you might as well forget it. 'Cause you're no match for him.

Lady:Regardless I must go. I had a chance to stop him before but I couldn't. I'm responsible for all this mess.

Dante:Responsible? Does it bother you that much?

Lady:He's my father. Besides, who else can undo what he's done? A demon like you, wouldn't understand.

Dante:Father and family huh? Well I'll go too. But you better worry if you don't want me to take all the credit. Mission 18

Dante: Well then, let's wrap up this crazy party, shall we? Gotta clean up the mess father left behind.

Mission 19

Arkham: Welcome! What do you think after looking at your father's image? Dante: It's like staring into a backed-up toilet! Why do you always stick your nose in other families' business. Come on, dude, don't you have any hobbies?

(Arkham and Dante start laughing)

Arkham: You can still talk big after seeing THIS? I feel it... the power... I feel the devil's power overflowing in my body, the power of SPARDA! Dante: Dude, my father wasn't so hideous. (Admiring his own reflection in his sword's blade) Can't you tell by looking at me? Anyway, that shape suits you better. Let us begin the main event!

Arkham: Ha-ha-ha, no matter how strong you are, you are nothing but a half-breed.

Arkham: What's this!? Damn you!

Vergil: I have come to retrieve my power... You can't handle it.

Dante: Look at you, making a big dramatic entrance and stealing my spotlight!

Vergil: Well... you don't possibly believe that he deserves to be our main event, now do you?

Dante: Now that you mention it, you're right.

Arkham: Do you truly believe that you can defeat me? Defeat the power of your father, the great Sparda?!

Vergil: You should come to realize you cannot control the power of Sparda...

Dante: You're wasting your time, buddy! I think he needs to learn the hard way.

Vergil: (holding Dante's Ebony gun) I'll try it your way for once. Dante: Remember what we used to say?

Arkham: DON'T DO IT!


Arkham: I have the true power of Sparda!

Vergil: Not very classy for someone's dying words.

Mission 20

Arkham: Ugh... how could I...? I shall become a God! No one here can stop me!

(Lady appears)

Lady: What a surprise... here I was, looking for you, and lo and behold, you come to me.

Arkham: Mary....

Lady: Don't ever call me that again. My mother was the only one who could say my name.

Mary... please... Wait, do you really want to shoot me? Can you shoot me? Your own father?

Arkham: What have I done wrong!? Even the heroic Sparda sacrificed a woman so that he could become a legend! I wished to be a GOD! And I sacrificed one miserable human being for that reason, that is all... Is that really so awful? I have some unfinished business to take care of... Help me, Mary.

Lady: Mary died a long time ago. My name is Lady. Goodbye, father.

Arkham: NO-!

(blam blam blam blam)

Lady: (laughs, then cries) Here I thought I wasn't gonna cry...

Vergil: Give that to me.

Dante: No way, you got your own.

Vergil: Well I want yours too.

Dante: What are you gonna do with all that power, huh? No matter how hard you try, you're never gonna be like father! Vergil: You're wasting time!

Dante: We are the sons of Sparda, and within each of us flows his blood, but more importantly, his SOUL! And now, my soul is saying that it wants to stop you!

Vergil: (evil laugh) Unfortunately, our souls are at odds, brother. I need more power!

Dante: And we're supposed to be twins...

Vergil: Twins, right...

Vergil: Am I... being defeated? Dante: Is that all you got? Come on! Get up! You can do better than that.

Vergil: The portal to the human world is closing, Dante, because the amulets have been separated.

Dante: Lets finish this, Vergil. I have to stop you, even if it means killing you.

(They charge at each other with their swords for the final showdown, but Dante wins.)

Vergil: No one can have this, Dante... it's mine, it belongs to a son of Sparda. Leave me and go, if you don't want to be trapped into the demon world... I'm staying. This place was our father's home.

Lady: Are you crying?

Dante: It's only the rain.

Lady: But the rain already stopped.

Dante: Devils never cry.

Lady: I see. Maybe somewhere out there even a devil may cry when he loses a loved one. Don't you think?

Dante: Maybe.

Lady: By the way... (Lady shoots a demon behind Dante's back) Looks like we're gonna be busy for a while.

Dante: Well, bring it on! I love this! This is what I live for! (swings Ebony & Ivory) I'm absolutely crazy about it!!


Lady: (narrating) What happened next? Nothing, really. We took care about all remaining devils and that was it. I still have a job to do that's far from done, which is to eliminate every last demon. I need ensure that monsters like my father never come about again. And he promised to help me hunt down the demons, even if he's part one himself. But now I realize that there are humans as evil as any devil as well as kind and compassionate demons in this universe. At least I've found one so-called "devil" who is able to shed tears for those he cares about. That's enough for me to believe in him. Dante: (kicks his chair to normal position and sits on it, crossing his legs on the desk) Now I can start my business. Lady: Oh, speaking of a kind devil, he finally decided on the name for his shop. It took him quite a while to pick one. Wanna know the name?

L&D: "It's a SpongeBob Christmas!"

Vergil: It would be fun to fight with the Prince of Darkness. If my father did it, I should be able to do it too!

Sceme 4: Christmas Town

  • (Cut to a shot of a Christmas parade in town)
  • SpongeBob: Oh boy, a Christmas parade! The perfect occasion to spread some mouthwatering joy. (Singing) Oh, everyone try some hot fruitcake today. Eat it all up and you will shout “hooray!”
  • Crowd: Yay!
  • SpongeBob: Everyone can get behind a mouthful of warm sunshine, everyone eat a Christmas time cliché. (People start turning into jerks; somebody pops a kid's balloon, another person smashes a gift over somebody's head, Pearl squirts water at passers by) Everyone can get behind a mouthful of Christmas time, let's all eat some hot fruitcake today!
  • Plankton: (Cycling through the rioting town) This just keeps getting better and better.
  • Costumed Santa: (On a float, with a boy on his knee) Ho ho ho! So, little boy, what would you like for Christmas?
  • Boy: I want a sled and truck and a bike and a train …
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Santa! Have some fruitcake. (He throws a piece)
  • Boy: And a water pistol and a helicopter and – and, uh …
  • Santa: (Turns into a jerk) Well, why don't you get a job and buy all that junk yourself? And while you're at it try brushing your teeth you little -
  • SpongeBob: Have some fruitcake! (Hands a piece to the float driver)
  • Driver: Thanks! (Turns into a jerk) That's it, I'm outta here. (He leaves the float and it crashes off the end of a cliff)
  • Boy: (Bouncing on Santa's belly) Weeee! Oh yeah, and I want a trampoline!

Scene 5: toybot

  • Plankton: Success! Soon all the Bikini Bottomites will be jerks! Now I just need to figure out what to do about old SpongeBoy.
  • (Cut to Plankton's lab)
  • Karen: Once again your master plan is fatally flawed. (She brings up a diagram) It seems that SpongeBob's innocent love of the holidays shields his heart from the effects of jerktonium.
  • SpongeBob Diagram: Dahaha! That tickles.
  • Plankton: Drat! That square-head's gonna throw my whole naughty to nice curve right off! I guess it's time to introduce Plan B. (He pulls a lever and a robot SpongeBob drops from the ceiling) Hahahahaha! Plan B, meet Karen. Now go, my automated agent of naughtiness, go and destroy SpongeBob's good name! (He laughs evilly but nothing happens) Huh? Oh yeah. (He winds up a key in the robot's back)
  • Sponge-Bot: I am ready! I am ready! I am ready! Ready to destroy Christmas! (Flames shoot from his nose; he leaves the Chum Bucket and destroys a car, then heads for the Krusty Krab)
  • Mr Krabs: What's goin' on out here? Oh, it's just you, SpongeBob. (Sponge-Bot burns the Krusty Krab sign, which collapses on Mr Krabs)
  • Plankton: Oh, SpongeBob, you've been a bad, bad toy!


  • (The mail truck is still spinning out of control and finally comes to rest. The bound and gagged mailman escapes and jumps away)
  • Patchy: I can't believe we survived that horrifying car accident without a scratch. (He gets out of the truck and slips on the ice) Ow! (He notices the fork in the tire) Aw, here's the problem. Oh, that's not good. Flat tire, huh? Looks as sad as an empty bag of beef. Brrr! It's cold up here. Why don't you kids at home go make a nice hot cup of cocoa while Potty builds me a fire.
  • (Cut to black for commercial break, then re-opens on a scene of Potty and Patchy huddled around a fire)
  • Patchy: (Shivering) Hello, kiddies. It's so cold, me eye patch cracked. There hasn't been any food or water, food or food for over 20 minutes. (Coughs) Boy, I could sure go for some buffalo wings right about now. Sounds good. Eh, Potty? (He looks at Potty, imagining him as a plate of buffalo wings) With a side of blue cheese dressing. (He grabs a fork, licks his lips, and lunges at Potty who flies up and Patchy bites on the log Potty is sitting on)
  • Potty: Squawk! What are you doing?
  • Patchy: I'm sorry, Potty, I don't know what got into me. I'm just so hungry!
  • Potty: It's OK, Patchy, I can't stay mad at you. (He imagines Patchy's head as a suet cake and licks his beak)
  • Patchy: Why are you looking at me like that, bird? (Potty pecks at his head) What are you doing?

Scene 6

(A): Left Behind/The Day to Remember

  • (Cut to SpongeBob's storyline; SpongeBob is riding the dispenser through Bikini Bottom and comes across the 3 carollers he first gave Plankton's fruitcake to)
  • SpongeBob: Merry Christmas, fellas!
  • Bill: Ah, go stuff a stocking!
  • SpongeBob: Gee. That wasn't very nice. (He drives past Mr Krabs, who is mending the Krusty Krab sign) Seasons greetings, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr Krabs: Will you get some nerve, SpongeBob! This is comin' outta yer salary!
  • SpongeBob: What's that all about? (He drives up to Patrick, who is setting another trap) Hey, Patrick! What're you up to?
  • Patrick: I think it's pretty obvious, SpongeBob! (He eats a slice of fruitcake) I'm eating fruitcake and setting a tiger trap for Santa! Now, if you don't mind, I'm kind of busy right now.
  • SpongeBob: Yeesh, OK. Don't have to be a jerk about it. Everybody's on edge today … must be the holiday jitters.
  • Patrick: Nosy-body. (He falls into his own trap) Yey, it works! Hello, big striped shrimp. (He screams as it attacks him)
  • SpongeBob: (Stepping out of his house) Ah, Christmas Eve! When all of Bikini Bottom is filled with good will.

Scene 7: The Next Day

  • Johnny: Merry Christmas, Frankie.
  • Frankie: Merry Christmas to you, too, Johnny. (Throws a snowball in Johnny's face)
  • SpongeBob: More like bad will! Gosh, if people don't start acting nicer, Santa's going to fly right past Bikini Bottom this Christmas Eve! I'm gonna need some help. (He knocks on Squidward's door) Squidward!
  • Squidward: (From inside) I'm not home!
  • SpongeBob: Oh gosh, what do I do now?
  • Squidward: Why don't you go bother Sandy?
  • SpongeBob: Good idea, Squidward. I'll have to thank you when you get home. (He leaves, and Sponge-Bot walks up to Squidward's house, pounding on the door)

Scene 8: Double Trouble

  • Squidward: I said I'm not home! (Sponge-Bot wrenches the door off it's hinges) SpongeBob, give me back my door! (The robot smashes it over Squidward's head)
  • (Cut to Sandy's treedome)
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, Sandy! I need your help! It's Christmas Eve and everyone in Bikini Bottom are acting like jerks! You gotta help me find out why.
  • Sandy: (Turns around and bares her teeth, scaring SpongeBob) Why should I help all them jerks?
  • SpongeBob: Because those jerks don't care about Christmas any more, Sandy! It's a problem.
  • Sandy: Problem? My only problem is I'm out of fruitcake. Only thing I've got left to eat are boring old nuts. (She throws one at SpongeBob)
  • SpongeBob: Oh, the problem isn't the fruitcake! The problem is that everyone, including you, is acting like a jerk! Oh, I'll have to solve this on my own. (He turns to leave and slips on a nut, accidentally throwing the fruitcake into Sandy's Christmas analyser) Whoa!

Scene 9: Trouble with Sandy

  • Sandy: Dagnabbit, SpongeBob, you got fruitcake in my Christmas magic analyser! (An alarm sounds) Well, I'll be a hornswaggle. My analyser's found something in the fruitcake! (She looks at the reading and gasps) This is terrible!
  • SpongeBob: What is it, Sandy?
  • Sandy: The fruitcake is contaminated with jerktonium! No wonder I've been as ornery as a sidewinder on a hot driveway. Jerktonium is the orneriest element of them all and your fruitcake is full of it. Where'd you get that fruitcake, anyway?
  • SpongeBob: From Plankton, he baked it.
  • Sandy: You took food from Plankton and fed it to everyone in town?
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
  • Sandy: You're an idiot.
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
  • Sandy: No wonder everyone in town is a big old meanie.
  • SpongeBob: Oh! I've eaten tons of that fruitcake! I must be the biggest jerk in town!
  • Sandy: (Pokes him) Hmm … You don't act jerky. For some reason it's not affecting you. (She puts a scanner in front of him) It must be a combination of your tiny brain and pure heart. You're immune to jerktonium, SpongeBob, but the rest of us will need an antidote. I'll set the analyser to calculate the formula. (She pulls a switch and a music score pops out) Why, this formula for the antidote don't make no sense at all!
  • SpongeBob: Hmm … That's not formula! That's a song! (He hums it, and Sandy becomes her normal self) Sandy! The song is the antidote!
  • (Cut to downtown Bikini Bottom, where people are still rioting)
  • Fish: Oh yeah? Well your fins are fat!
  • Fish 2: Says you!

Scene 10: Don't be a Jerk, It's Christmas

  • SpongeBob: Ahoy, everybody!
  • (He clicks his fingers and mistletoe appears over the heads of the two fish he fed Plankton's fruitcake to, curing them of jerktonium poisoning. He clicks again and a pile of presents appears, curing two other fish. A little boy begins to play Christmas baubles like bells)
  • SpongeBob: (Singing) Bring joy to the world, it's the thing to do, but the world does not revolve around you, don't be a jerk, it's Christmas! (Throws a snowball at Mr Krabs and cures him)
  • Be nice to babies and animals, old folks, too. 'Cause that's how you'd like them to treat you! Use turn signals. Don't screen my calls. Don't you wreck the house when you deck the halls.
  • Spit your gum where it won't wind up on my shoe. squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. Don't be a jerk. It's Christmas! It's Christmas!
  • (Hands a gift to Pearl, who continues to pass it down a line, curing people as they receive it, except for Squidward, who is unaffected)
  • When others are talking, never interrupt. Don't put people down or leave the toilet seat up. It's the time for family and holly and turkey. 'Tis the season to be jolly not jerky!
  • Chorus: Jolly, not jerky!
  • SpongeBob: Santa brought nearly every gift on your list. Why whine about the one that he missed? Don't be a jerk, it's Christmas! It's Christmas! Don't be a jerk, it's Christmas!

Scene 11: Santa Arrives

  • Sandy: Congratulations, SpongeBob, your song worked!
  • SpongeBob: And not a moment too soon. Santa should be here any minute.
  • Mr Krabs: You ain't kidding. Here he comes now!
  • (They all clear the way as Santa Claus' sleigh and reindeer land in front of the Krusty Krab)
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Santa! You made it!
  • Santa: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Cool your jets there, son. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad tidings.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, no!
  • Santa: Oh, yes. It seems you're all on my naughty list this year.
  • SpongeBob: Naughty list?
  • Santa: No buts about it. You've all been a bunch of jerks.
  • SpongeBob: But-
  • Santa: But nothing. Coal for everyone! Except Plankton.
  • Spongebob and Co.: Whaaaat?
  • Santa: I'm just as surprised as you, but compared to the rest of you, he's been a saint. Here you go, Sheldon. I believe this is what you asked for.
  • Mr Krabs: Me secret formula? How did you get that?
  • Santa: I have my ways. (An elf reaches into Mr Krabs' pocket and takes his wallet)
  • Pearl: Um, Dad?
  • Mr Krabs: Huh? (Slaps the elf) Get out of me pocket, ya foul goblin!
  • SpongeBob: But- but- but- but- but- but- (Patrick slaps him) But, Santa, you've got it all wrong!

Scene 12: Battle against Plan B

  • Santa: On the contrary, SpongeBob, you're the worst of all. There you go right now, wreaking havoc!
  • (The crowd parts and reveals the rampaging Sponge-Bot)
  • Plankton: Uh oh.
  • SpongeBob Robot: (Focuses on SpongeBob, Plankton and Santa) I am ready to destroy Christmas! (He transforms into his mega mode)
  • Mega SpongBob Robot: Destroy Santa!
  • SpongeBob: You want Santa? You gotta get through me!
  • Mega SpongeBob Robot: Okie dokie. (Karate chops SpongeBob)
  • Santa: Oh, my.
  • SpongeBob: Is that all you got? (The robot picks him up and flings him far away)
  • Santa: I'm outta here. (He hides in the Krusty Krab, but the robot finds him and picks him up) You do realize this counts as naughty?
  • SpongeBob: You put that jolly elf down, you big tin imposter! (Fires fruitcake at the robot) Hot from the oven, full of lovin'! (Rushes back to rescue Santa) Hurry up, Santa, hop on!
  • (The robot shorts out and explodes)

Scene 13: Finale

  • Santa: Thanks again for saving my keister.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, it was nothing.
  • Santa: You're clearly a very good lad. Unlike the owner of that wind-up monstrosity! (An elf hands him the wind-up key) What have you got there? "If found, please return to the Chum Bucket."?!? Sheldon!!!
  • Plankton: Uh oh.
  • Mr Krabs: Hand it over, Plankton. Don't make it any worse. (Takes the Krabby Patty formula back and flings Plankton at Santa's sleigh)
  • Santa: OK, boys, let's give Sheldon what he deserves. (The elves pour coal onto Plankton) So long, kiddies! (He flies away)
  • SpongeBob: Hey! Has anyone seen Patrick?
  • Patrick: (Hiding on Santa's sleigh) Gotcha! (Catches Santa in a net, sending the sleigh off course)


  • (Potty is still pecking Patchy's head)
  • Patchy: (Notices a sign) Santa's workshop? I'm here, Santa! I'm here!
  • Potty: I'm not going in there.
  • Patchy: Santa! (He sits on Santa's lap and pulls out his letter) There's only thing I wants for Christmas! And it's to meet me hero, SpongeBob SquarePants. (Santa sprinkles magic dust on Patchy, then the illusion breaks and Patchy realises he's in a cave with a bear who sprinkled him with salt because hewants to eat him. The bear chases him. The scene then cuts to Potty standing next to Santa)
  • Santa: I think stealing a mail truck definitely counts as naughty. Wouldn't you say, Potty?
  • Potty: I sure would, Santa!
  • (They laugh)
  • Both: Merry Christmas!